1) Love your children unconditionally—irrespective
of whether they “behave nicely,” clean up their room, and do their
homework. Your love must go beyond this. Your children will feel it.
2) Each day tell your children that you love them.
All you have to say is three words, “I love you.” If this is difficult
for you, that is a sign you really need to say it.
3) Speak and act in ways that give your children a
positive self-image. Believe in your child. Believe in his abilities and
potential. Say explicitly, “I believe in you.” How do you know when you
are successful at this? When your child says, “I see that you believe
in me.”
4) Be a role model for the traits and qualities that
you want your children to possess. Share your day with your kids so
they know what you do and can learn from you and your experiences.
5) Clarify the main positive qualities you want your
child to develop. Keep praising those qualities. Reinforce each quality
when your child speaks or acts in ways consistent with that quality.
6) Each child is unique and different. Understand
each child’s uniqueness and take it into consideration when a challenge
arises. Don’t take the “cookie cutter” approach. A method of discipline
that inspires one child may discourage another.
7) Word your comments positively. Focus on the
outcome you want. Say: “By developing this quality (for example, taking
action right away), you will be more successful in life.” (Rather than
saying the negative.)
8) Keep asking yourself, What is the wisest thing to say to my child right now? Especially say this when your child has messed up.
9) Read great books to your children.
10) When you come across a story that has an
important positive lesson for your child, relate it. Look for stories
that teach lessons. Ask people for stories that had a positive influence
on their lives.
11) Create a calm, loving, anger-free atmosphere in
your home. Consistently speak in a calm and loving tone of voice. See,
hear, and feel yourself being a calm person who has mastered the ability
to maintain an emotional and mental state that is centered, focused and
flowing.
12) Master patience. Life is a seminar in character
development. Your children are your partners in helping you become a
more patient person. Even when challenges arise, speak in a tone of
voice that is balanced.
13) If you make a mistake when interacting with your
children, apologize. Ultimately they will respect you more than if you
try to deny the mistake.
14) Watch other parents interact with their children. Notice what you like. Apply the positive patterns.
15) In watching other parents, also notice what you
don’t like. Think about ways that you might be doing the same. Resolve
not to speak and act that way.
16) Keep asking people you know and meet, “What did you like about what your parents said and did?”
17) Every day, express gratitude in front of your children. Ask them regularly, “What are you grateful for?”
18) Become a master at evaluating events, situations
and occurrences in a realistic positive way. Frequently ask your
children, “What would be a positive way of looking at this?”, or “How
can we grow from this?”
19) When your children make mistakes, help them learn from those mistakes.
20) Each and every day, ask yourself, “What can I say and do to be an even better parent?”
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